A local sports talk station in Baltimore has been running an advertisement by a doctor’s office that specializes in vasectomies. The ad was influencing men to get their vasectomies in time to watch March Madness on television.

Talk about cross marketing!

Actually, we were impressed. Associating a not so fun operation with a pleasant experience (watching non-stop hoops with a built in excuse to counter the nagging wife/girlfriend) equals a big win.

So we did some Googling and found out that this isn’t a new phenomena, at least not out in Chicago.

Later, we heard someone claim that vasectomies went up during the Final Four and The Masters. No hard evidence was presented and we didn’t have time to verify, but in a warped way, it makes sense.

Now we’re off to go buy a bag of frozen peas.

Unfortunately, Winter 2012 has been a let down.

We did some interesting research and got involved with jet streams and something called La Nina and lots of other really cool, but confusing, explanations. It’s amazing how it all fits together.

Hopefully, Old Man Winter has at least one good snowstorm in his freezer, maybe he’s just waiting for the right moment.

This past Christmas morning, there was some wailing and gnashing of teeth around the tree.

Why?

It was Reebok’s fault.

I’ll explain.

Reebok had the license to produce NFL jerseys and various other licensed product, but they lost the contract to Nike. The obvious answer for Reebok was to scale back its production of jerseys.

That’s great business sense, but it plays hell on parents. This parent has a 7-year-old son who is a football maniac. Not to be too braggadocios, but my son enjoys every part of the game. He loves the action, the tackling, the athletic displays you see every Sunday. And his love for the sport isn’t limited to his hometown Ravens. No sir.

Marshawn Lynch, that Skittles gobbling tank of a running back is one of my son’s favorites. When Lynch enters “Beast Mode” he is no longer human, he’s a wrecking machine. A force of nature. He’s Godzilla without his morning coffee. He made Ray Lewis look like a chump when they played the Ravens this year.

My son wanted a lime green Marshawn Lynch jersey. And possibly 10 other different jerseys, Ravens, Texans, the mix was admirable. Santa had a hell of a hard time finding those jerseys at national sporting goods stores, on the internet, and at the North Pole. Reebok was scaling back on its production and there were no jerseys available.

The tears eventually dried, and Christmas proceeded with the usual over indulgence of toys, video games, sugar, chocolate, more sugar, and a metric ton of pasta for Christmas dinner.

This April, Nike will unveil its line of NFL jerseys, and as an experienced marketer who has had to deal with time honored brands, logos and tradition, the job makes me shiver in my authentic Johnny Unitas cleats. (I wear them around the office during brainstorming sessions. They tear the carpet to shreds, but who cares?)

Imagine sitting down with the owners of legendary teams like the Cleveland Browns, the Pittsburgh Steelers and the Green Bay Packers and saying, “Okay, here’s you new look? Like it?” Facing a firing squad would be more fun. Remember, those logos aren’t merely corporate symbols – they represent history, tradition, highs, lows and in-betweens.

Those logos are the touchstone for generations of people, and in many cases, they represent their city. (That Pittsburgh tri-colored logo was appropriated from the Steelmark logo. So in this case, it was a corporate logo. I stand corrected, but you get my point.)

There have been plenty of links posted on the Internet that claim to be the new uniforms Nike is proposing, and there are some that are incredible (Bengals) and some that are godawful (Steelers). Nike has straight out said these aren’t the final uniforms, but you can bet there will be similarities.

Whatever the final look is, those new jerseys are going to disappear faster than an ice cream sundae bar at a Rosie O’Donnell Fan Convention. That is to say, instantaneously. Diehard fans will shun whatever Nike produces, claiming they missed “what the team is all about” and “haven’t stayed true to the tradition.” Fans are never happy, but there’s going to be truth to those statements.

No matter what Nike proposes, the owners will decide the final look. They’ll have to balance tradition with a new look that will appeal to the latest generation of football fans. I don’t envy them one bit.

I only ask one favor, and that’s to the Seattle Seahawks: make up your mind in a hurry, and place a bigger order for green Marshawn Lynch jerseys. My son’s birthday is in May, and I don’t want to be cutting it close again.

Is this a local effect of our roller coaster economy or are you seeing the same phenomena where you live?

Cutting back on staffing is a great way to lop numbers off the bottom line, but if the result is poor customer service, does it matter how much you save if customers never return?

Think about it!

We were rocking the summer vibe, and then got caught up with the back to school craziness.

So here we are, digesting the latest missive from Netflix. It started off as an apology, and then clumsily segued into an announcement about splitting their services.

Wow, what a mixed message. Literally.

The best thing about Netflix wasn’t just their movie selection, it was the small company feeling you got when dealing with them. Their customer service was top notch, and their business model made sense. And best of all, they weren’t Blockbuster.

This latest announcement changes everything. We realize everyone is in business to make money, but when you decide to raise your rates and fumble that announcement, you need damage control.

The backlash hasn’t been very nice either, here’s one clever explanation from The Oatmeal.

The final nail in the coffin? If you replied to their email you received a bounceback message. Where is the excellent customer service Netflix is known for?

Moral of the story? In today’s internet age, consumers expect clarity and can sniff out marketing double talk a mile away.

I remember the Miss USA pageant when I was a kid – Bert Parks looked more like a fossil every year. Then I think Bob Barker got in on the act. I might be mistaken.

But that was decades ago, and the Miss USA contest is still relevant, I guess. Flipping through an online photo album of the contestants I was struck by how bland they looked.

Like somewhere there’s this gigantic vat of plastic and a mold – and they stamp out an endless line of cookie cutter women who look as plastic as their parts.

So the pageant is basically a celebration of looks, no doubt. But if America is so enlightened these days (uh huh) who is watching? I’m thinking people in the Midwest and maybe some of those Southern states where they only have three channels, and two are dedicated to cultural pursuits like dog fighting and fishing.

So what do you get when you win? I’m thinking the chance to open up shopping malls across America, really important stuff. Maybe even show up at a few car shows and motorcycle shows.

Also, your picture becomes official currency in every prison in America.

Now there’s something worth working towards, am I right?

There’s no secret that today’s online shopping customer expects their order to be fulfilled and delivered quickly and efficiently. After all, isn’t that what the internet was built for?

Maybe Al Gore should answer that one.

We’re big time online shoppers at Frizzera Ink. It’s a weakness.

A few weeks ago, we realized we had indulged too much over the winter  – what else can you do at night except shovel ice cream into your mouth while watching The Office? Besides, there was some kind of demon possessing the office treadmill and we couldn’t get near it to exercise. Honest.

So we logged on to Amazon, purchased this book and clicked “Ship”. Except we clicked the “Ship RIGHT NOW” button. Whoops.

Here’s the problem, the book cost us $13 and the shipping cost us $17. What could we do? An online chat with an Amazon rep informed us that the book was already out the door – damn those efficient people at Amazon!

“Sorry for that,” wrote their customer service rep. “I’ll credit you $10 on your next purchase.”

Imagine that, getting rewarded for your own mistake.

But what did that 10 bucks buy? Good will – and more importantly – this story being told in the real world and on the internet. Plus we mentioned on our Facebook page and Tweeted it.

Why?

Because it made us happy and it made us feel that we had been serviced the right way.

And it only cost Jeff Bezos 10 bucks.

When the iPad was released, it was met with the usual onslaught of praise and unnecessary hype – something Apple does incredibly well.

Most of the criticism was leveled at the price – for an extra $200 added to the asking price of an iPad, you could score a nice notebook with lots of memory, a keyboard, a camera and not be hemmed in by Apple’s quirks.

Flash forward a year later and the iPad has dominated sales, the release of PC based tablets hasn’t really made the dent everyone was predicting. (Remember the hype back in January when the electronics show was all about competing tablets?)

Now the new iPad has emerged and the world once again is saved from the brink of doom by Steve Jobs and company. This one has a camera! Hooray! Now utopia is within reach.

Seriously, what’s the appeal? Maybe because even our mothers can pick up this machine, touch a button and immediately “get it.” Have you seen children with an iPad? They take to it like celebrities to botox.

Maybe it’s the monitor or the access to the billions of apps – or that an iPad is easily transported, turns on in an instant and is ready to do whatever you want it to – except make a decent cup of coffee.

As it stands, the iPad rules the tablet world, much like it owns the MP3 player universe – the PC makers and fanboys can shake their hands and list all of the downsides to the iPad, but no one’s listening.

An old adage says, “The cobbler’s children have no shoes.”

What’s that mean? Besides the obvious – the cobbler is cheap and he’s  throwing his money away on gambling, Ponzi schemes and cheap liquor. Those cobblers, they’re a mess.

Seriously, it means  the expert in a given field, doesn’t take care of himself in his given expertise. Like an overweight doctor or a dentist with bad teeth or a cobbler with kids that don’t have shoes and are probably never going to college.

Frizzera Ink  fell victim to that same problem – we’re so busy writing words for others that we couldn’t write our own blog. That’s embarrassing, not to mention our feet are cold and dirty.

Our time away from the blog hasn’t been all sandy beaches, great surfing and lots of sun – we’ve been working hard and learning new things. For example, our computers are now 100% Mac and now we know why Apple has such loyal followers, and that some of the criticisms leveled by PC people are ludicrous.

Switching from one operating system to another is challenging, like asking a Pro Bowl tackle who’s always played on the left, to suddenly play on the right. It sounds simple, but you have to retrain your brain – and that takes time. Learning new moves and actions makes us happy – so we’d call it a win.

One of the most impressive benefits of the Apple operating system is how intuitive it is – we’ve yet to ask out loud, “Why did they put that button there instead of here?” This isn’t a PC bashing blog post, but when you’re using an Apple, part of the satisfaction comes from the idea that the company LISTENS and ACTS.

So there you have it – our triumphant return to the blog, praise for Apple, and an explanation as to why we’ll never be good cobblers. (Peach cobbler is another story, we love good peach cobbler.)

Over the holiday break, my three year old son was watching Finding Nemo for the 73^rd time. As I sat on the couch, dodging BeyBlades and various holiday gifts, I noticed the differences between fish that lived in the aquarium, and fish that lived in the ocean.

(Stay with me, I eventually make a point.)

The aquarium fish see their world as big, but with definite boundaries. The ocean fish don’t comprehend the size of their world either, past the reef is the great unknown. When each group realizes there’s more to their world, the adventure begins.

When you’re working on your marketing plan, or rolling out a new service or product, it’s easy to stay in your aquarium where everything is known, even the limits of your world. There’s less chance for failure, and bankable results.

But if you look beyond the glass walls, you increase the chance of success. It might be frightening, but here are a few ways to make this leap seem less chancy.

• Use an online survey tool and feel out a potential audience It doesn’t take much time, there’s little cost involved, and the results help you fine tune your marketing message.

• Research the competition. Everyone has a website, take an hour and research what your competition is saying, and doing. Don’t forget blogs, message boards and news articles. This isn’t a license to steal, be original.

• Try a test market – it’s a small investment that yields loads of concrete data. Your product might be ready for this new audience, or it might need tweaking or a major overhaul. Like those old GI Joe spots claimed, “Knowing is half the battle!”

Your aquarium is as big, or small, as you make it. Searching out new audiences, markets and methods creates growth and ensures survival.

If a cartoon clown fish did it, so can you.