But that was decades ago, and the Miss USA contest is still relevant, I guess. Flipping through an online photo album of the contestants I was struck by how bland they looked.
Like somewhere there’s this gigantic vat of plastic and a mold – and they stamp out an endless line of cookie cutter women who look as plastic as their parts.
So the pageant is basically a celebration of looks, no doubt. But if America is so enlightened these days (uh huh) who is watching? I’m thinking people in the Midwest and maybe some of those Southern states where they only have three channels, and two are dedicated to cultural pursuits like dog fighting and fishing.
So what do you get when you win? I’m thinking the chance to open up shopping malls across America, really important stuff. Maybe even show up at a few car shows and motorcycle shows.
Also, your picture becomes official currency in every prison in America.
Now there’s something worth working towards, am I right?